i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
