I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
