Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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