The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
