Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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