It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
