When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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