alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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