It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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