I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont even know how to be here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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