You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
