woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
