the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were trust falling into bushes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
