i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Then you guys just all showered together...?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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