This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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