Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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