I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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