The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
