The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
