yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize