I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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