you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
