i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
