i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
