Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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