i permit you to call me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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