THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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