Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
