If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize