im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
