Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
