I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
