Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
