Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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