does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
