no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
