We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
