what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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