I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
