no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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