Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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