Don't you send me to vm
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
