connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
