I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
