you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The struggles of a small town man whore
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize