literally had 100 drinks last night.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
