Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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