Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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