My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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