i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize