last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
