Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
