I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
