dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
