okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
