I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
