Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
