At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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