i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
