Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize