ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
