Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
