Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
