I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
