Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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