I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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