I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
