guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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