you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
