I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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