He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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