i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
