she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
