She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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