Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
