i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
