one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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