I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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