i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
