The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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