1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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