like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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