Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
