I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
