Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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