I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
