smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
