I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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