You really coming over, don't trick.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
