So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize