What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
