bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
