I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
