i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
