This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize