There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
